On various zoos and hating them all

Como Zoo, St. Paul, MN

I won't lie – this is the zoo that continually fuels my hatred towards zoos. It's a free zoo, which is both good and bad. Good because it allows those without as much money to enjoy zoos, bad because it's just a frickin' awful zoo. I have sad, sad memories of seeing the polar bear, who looks more yellow than white, wandering around his “habitat” of plastic glaciers on 80 degree days. Or poor Sparky the seal, who I think is replaced every year. And I always think of the zoo as being overrun by litter and small children flinging cotton candy – part zoo, part county fair. Now, the rest of Como Park isn't bad, but do not go to the zoo.

Minnesota Zoo, Apply Valley, MN

This zoo is a pay zoo, which I also don't understand - $10 to see caged animals? Why?? So I haven't been here in a while, but still, there are few fond memories. Too much walking around with my mom looking at elk or something. Ok ok the otters are cute. And maybe the dolphins.

San Diego Zoo, CA

So, I think this zoo is supposed to be on the best in the world or something. Which means it's veeeery expensive. And also completely not worth it. I will again admit that there may be some complicating factors that kept me from liking this zoo. I visited this zoo during the height of teenage angst during a family trip out west. I had to spend many hours cramped in the back seat of a rental car with my little brother, who's not so bad, but man did it suck. I mean, the Grand Canyon, what is that? Nothing but a big hole! And going to Las Vegas with your parents at age 15 is just a monumental waste. But back to the matter at hand, the zoo...the panda was cute, and I think there were koalas, but it sucked otherwise.

Smithsonian Zoo, Washington D.C.

This was another horrible family trip during the height of puberty. Future parents, here's a tip! Young teenagers are not good to travel with, especially if you take them on boring museum tours every damn day. Honestly, my favorite memory from this trip is the chocolate glazed donut I had every morning for breakfast at my hotel. But about the zoo – ok, so I didn't completely hate this zoo. For one, it was free, and also included pandas. Take that, San Diego!! Looking back, this zoo might rank pretty high up as one of the highlights of the D.C. trip, right behind the chocolate donuts. Mmmmm.